Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
