I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
