john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
