i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
