sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
