they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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