So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
