thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize