The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
