Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
FUCK WHALES
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
