this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize