apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
