Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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