apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
