just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
