I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
