And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
