ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
