Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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