well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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