a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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