So drunk its hurt
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
