Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Still dying that you shit outside
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
