My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
