Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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