my mouth tastes like poor choices
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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