I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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