I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
