I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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