He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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