What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize