what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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