So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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