apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
