I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize