Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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