There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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