Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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