Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is Oprah even human
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
