discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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