Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
