i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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