sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
