I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
