what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
