I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
