walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
