Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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