I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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