***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
