Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
