I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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