Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
