This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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