but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
