If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
