Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think i have two assholes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
