At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize