Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
