Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
