Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize