Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
