Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
