i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
