once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize