I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
