I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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